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To be fair, I am not a large man, 6’0″ about 220 lbs, overweight yes, but large – definitely not. I need to exercise more and I need to lose probably 35-40 lbs but when it gets right down to it, I’m not a large man.

However, I do have a large appetite, particularly for burritos. I’m not talking about those tasteless knockoffs that so many poor misguided individuals purchase from various gas stations, Taco Bells, Taco John’s and the like. No, I’m talking about real burritos that can only be found at places with names like “Moondoggies the wrap shack”, “Big City Burrito’s“, “Qdoba“, and the holy grail of burrito places, “Freebirds.” These places don’t just make burritos, they fill a 15″ tortilla within an inch of it’s life with so much meat, beans and rice that when you sit down to eat it required undivided attention and two hands to steer the monster into your mouth.

My wife compares the burritos to an over-filled diaper, I however prefer to think that each time I order one of these monsters, I am stretching the laws of tortilla physics. What I like the best about these burritos is that there is no portion control. No scale to weigh the ingredients on, no chart on the wall saying that each burritos gets a specific amount of food, nothing like that all. What they do have is teens and college students with big ladles who cram so much food into the burritos that by the end of the line you are confident that you will need assistance getting the burrito off the counter and to your table.

It was this type of burrito that I was seeking when I went into my local Qdoba’s a couple of days ago. I had been anxiously anticipating this burrito and so as I walked in the door it was all I could do to not weep with joy. Something was different this day, standing beside the disgruntled youth who normally work there was a Boomer. Nice polo shirt with a stitched logo on it, clean apron, hair carefully tucked under his hat. My first thought was that maybe this was the owner, but as I moved closer and closer to the counter I came to the awful realization about who this individual was – he was Portion Control.

Against all hope I ordered my usual, the steak Queso Burrito with rice, black beans, sour cream, cheese and Pico de Gallo Salsa, a meal meant truly for a king. Portion Control took my order and stingily doled out a paltry amount of each of the ingredients I had requested. The carefree teens and college kids that usually were friendly and bouncy stood silently by as Portion Control silently created a burrito that was far beneath the standards of gluttony that I have become used to.

As I paid for this five inch long, four inch wide exercise in order and discipline, I scanned the faces of the normal employees. They knew the burrito was substandard, they understood what I wanted, and they longed to give it to me, but because of the presence of Portion Control, they could do nothing but stand idly by and watch this travesty take place.

I think that there’s a lesson in this that translates into our relationship with God and the church. Quite frankly, I’m quite confident that a relationship with God is not designed to have Portion Control. I am of the opinion that just like that burrito that seemingly defies the laws of all tortilla physics, God is prepared to fill our lives with more than we possibly could imagine or even hope for. However I think we’ve allowed Portion Control, otherwise known as the Church, to step in and dictate to us what God is and how much of God we are allowed to have.

It seems to me that pastors and boards have way too much control over the church and what it’s response is to the world and everything in it. I’m not saying that pastors are bad (although I’m quite confident that boards and committees are the work of the devil) but what I’m saying is that the leadership in the 21st century church must change. It must become led by the true church – the people.

The problem I see is that the people in the church, those men and women who come to the church seeking guidance and direction in how to live their life, never actually put what they learn into place. Instead, the vast majority of them live out their lives content to let the elected leadership of the church dictate to them what they will and will not do.

Case in point how many times have we heard about churches who setup a silent protest against abortion? Nothing wrong with that right? Wrong. How about instead of standing alongside a road for an hour, we go and volunteer our services at the abortion center, not to be a spy or a covert operative, but rather to love and care for these young girls who desperately need to understand that they are loved and not condemned.

How about instead of the central focus of our spiritual lives being attending a small group or listening to an hour long sermon about Noah and the Ark on a Sunday morning before football starts, we go out during the week and and spend time actually caring for our environment and working towards creating a better world?

You see, just like Portion Control took something that was good and created something that was substandard, so the church in it’s best intentions has taken what God has intended for good and twisted it into something that is managable but is not close to what God originally envisioned for us.

So the question is are we as the the church going to stand idly by as our pastors and leadership lead us down a path of well-intended portion control, or are we going to step into the line and join our pastors and our leadership in creating a church that does not know the meaning of portion control when it comes to dolling up servings and offerings to God?

Iowa. And if you know that song then you must be a native son.

It’s about 11:30 PM and Cris and I just got in to Clear Lake, Iowa where we are staying at the comfortable AmericInn. Why are we in Iowa you might ask We are here for Family Camp Sunday at the Iowa-Minnesota District of the Wesleyan Church Campground – Cedar Springs Wesleyan Camp located in beautiful Floyd, Iowa.

Cristin and I fled our matching cubicles at 7:15 PM – grabbed a couple of Subway sandwiches and headed off into the vast expanse of Minnesota and Iowa where we sped through the night smashing fireflies against our windshield, dodged deer, avoided Iowa drivers and listened to the philosophical waxings of Avril Lavigne explaining exactly why she doesn’t like your girlfriend.

To be absolutely truthful, we are in Iowa not so much for Family Camp as to see my Grandma and Grandpa. They live in the Wesleyan commune in Brooksville, Florida and have been staying at their cabin located on the campgrounds for about a month now. The cabin has always been a place where my Grandpa and Grandma have loved going to and spending time at. It’s been their refuge and their quiet place to meet rest and relax. Grandpa and Grandma built the cabin back when the District had just purchased the campgrounds.

I’ve been planning this time to come and see them ever since I moved back to South Dakota. I am anxious just to spend time with them and see how they’re doing and more importantly to listen to them and just talk with them. I’m afraid that for much of my life I’ve simply talked and not listened and my goal this time is to just sit and enjoy their company. I’ll post some pictures in a couple of days!

Oh yeah, and if you’re wondering about that song still, here are the lyrics:

We’re from Iowa, Iowa!
Best State in the Land
We’re here to take our Stand
We’re from Iowa, Iowa!
That’s where the tall corn grows!

For the past year I’ve been periodically checking out the blog – PostSecret. If you’ve never been there it’s a basically a site where people post their most private fears and secrets to share with the world. These fears and secrets are sent in on homemade postcards that resemble the fear or secret that they are holding onto. Most of the fears and secrets are sent in anonymously and quite often they reveal something that the individual has held onto for so long that it’s become an intricate part of this person’s life.

My theory is that the fears and secrets exposed on the website are not necessarily unique to the individual who submitted them. I am convinced that if you follow the website long enough, everyone’s hidden fear or secret will be exposed sooner or later. Case in point, someone posted one of my greatest fears in this week’s posting.

What I think I’ve figured out is that all of humanity basically holds onto the same fears and secrets. I am quite convinced that there is no unique secret or fear in all of humanity and I’m equally convinced that if we would share these fears and secrets with each other that sooner or later we would find someone who had that fear and has successfully overcome it.

With the individual who is afraid that they lost themselves in one of the many moves they made during their childhood, I can definitely say that I’ve been there and I understand that. I can also say to the person who has this fear that the way I overcame this was by coming to the understanding that this moving around helped create me to be the exact person that God wanted me to be. I may not feel like I belong to any particular town or place, but I have come to the understanding that God created this transitional environment to prepare me for His purpose and desires. Though there are many times that I don’t understand or am feeling like I don’t belong, I am comforted by the knowledge that I belong to God and that He, in his perfect and steadfast love, has molded me into exactly who He wants me to be. With that said, when my fears and secrets start to overcome me, I am learning to turn them over to God because I know that He will teach me what I need to learn in order to overcome them. That’s what I’d say to this individual.

Bottom line, we are told all throughout scripture that God knows our secrets, our hurts, our joys, and even our thoughts. Maybe we need to start sharing these fears and secrets with God and seeking His guidance in order overcome these fears and secrets. Just a thought.

To be quite candid, I’m not sure that I’ve figured out a lot in the 32 years that I’ve been in existence on this earth. I am quite convinced that the more I learn, the less I understand and the less I understand the more I need to learn. It’s a mixed bag of growth and stagnation that seems to have pervaded much of my life.

With that said, I am starting to realized a couple key things that are things that I’m working to hold onto as core truths for my life.

1. It’s not about me. There is so much else going on in the world that it doesn’t really matter about the insignificant problems that I am facing. Life isn’t about me it’s about investing in other people and impacting their lives for God’s Kingdom.

2. Just because it’s an opportunity doesn’t mean that I need to take it. I think that Henry Ford said it best when he said, “A generation ago there were a thousand men to every opportunity…while today there are a thousand opportunities to every man.” Opportunities will always come and go but the privilege to live a life with mercy, a steadfast love and knowledge of the King is an opportunity that must be taken at the first chance it is offered, regardless of what the pay is or where the job is at or who you are working for or with.

3. Sometimes it’s okay to just say no. Though the wonderful teaching of my wife I am starting to learn that it’s okay to say no to the world and the fast-paced, high-consumerism that currently pervades our culture. It’s okay to take your own bags into the grocery store so that you don’t have 50 million plastic bags running around the house. It’s okay to say no to buying a new car just because it’ll save a few extra dollars at the pump. It’s okay to say no to not having an iphone or new Macbook Pro or whatever else the newest and greatest thing is. Sometimes it’s okay to say no and that’s a hard lesson for me to learn.

These are just a few of the lessons that I woke up with today. As I discover more of theses truths, I’ll pass them on to you, my lone reader.