johndhowell.com

I’m sick.

I just want to put this out there. Not sick in a twisted, demented way that reaks of subversive and destructive behavior. Not sick in a way that is propagated by incoherent thoughts, wild fantasies, and an inordinate fixation on metaphysical apparitions and dreamscapes that will never become reality. I’m physically sick. The worst thing about this sad state of affairs is that I’ve brought this sickness upon myself.

I made myself sick. It’s disconcerting to say this, but I can no longer ignore the truth. How did I make myself sick you may ask? I did it a little bit each day by neglecting and intentionally exposing my body to a cornucopia of additives, chemicals, and unnatural substances that have over the years slowly deteriorated and affected my body in a decidedly significant manner. I did it through establishing and embracing a lifestyle that is more content to gaze into the shallow depths of the computer and television screen then it is to spend a concentrated amount of time dedicated to being outdoors, exercising or even simply being silent. I did it by not caring for myself and not valuing what I do and put into my body.

I’ve known that I was sick for a couple of years now. In September of 2005 I went to the doctor because for some strange reason I had turned a Homer Simpson-like yellow. Through the course of the next couple of months, the doctors worked to discover the source of this and I was diagnosed with Autoimmune Hepatitis. As a direct result, at age 31, I was told that I had the liver of a person who had been abusing alcohol for 30 years even though I had never drank a drop. Through the course of the last two years, several types of treatments, and multiple doctor visits monitoring the ongoing health of my liver, the disease has finally gone into remission, sort of.

Some of the continuing side effects of the disease are that I still don’t feel good most days. I still get stress hives all over my face and body. I still have the burning heartburn that wakes me cold and sweaty at 4:30 AM every night desperate for something cool to quench the fire inside of me. I still have to be very careful that I don’t get too excited otherwise I find myself covered in hives and in desperate need of a place where I can rest and recouperate.

So I’ve known I was sick for a while now. I’m not sure what causes something like Autoimmune Hepatitis or any of the other diseases that are affecting others in their 20’s and 30’s across the nation. I suspect that there is something fundamentally missing in our lives and lifestyles that our grandparents and great-grandparents had. I am equally convinced that the those who share the historical distinction of associated with the “Baby Boomer” generation, are indirectly responsible for the loss of this missing piece of vitality that is desperately needed by our generation.

Regardless of why this pervading culture of illness and disease exists, something must be changed.